Mainly Mania, 39

(obsession doggerel)

Will you …?: gamomania (mania for making odd marriage proposals)

Okay, I asked a tree to wed—

But it said no (no room in bed).

And so I moved on to a duck—

But she said no (such rotten luck).

So why not wed a favorite book?

But Moby gave me not a look.

“So I’ll wed Juliet!” I cried.

(I had not heard that she had died.)

So then I tried a kangaroo—

But she cried, “What is wrong with you?”

And punched me—hard—right in the face,

And I fell down and stayed in place.

When I woke up (somewhere near dawn),

I found my mania was gone.

I asked a woman. She said, “No.”

And so I tried a buffalo.