Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Fundamentals, 11

Paul’s Peril

So I heard that Paul Bunyan, once lost in the dark,
Ran and tripped on a newly cut stump.
And he flew through the air, and he twisted and turned,
And he landed ker-SPLAT on his rump. 

Monday, March 30, 2015

Fundamentals, 10

Billy the Baker?

So young Billy the Kid looked so sexy and cool
With his hat and his boots and his guns.
But I hear there were some in the opposite sex
Who were much more impressed with his buns. 

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Fundamentals, 9

Ted’s Loves

Ted loved crackers—every kind, from
Graham to Ritz to Triscuit.
Also loved his girlfriend, from her
Lips to hips to biscuit. 

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Fundamentals, 8

Naming Johnny

Johnny Appleseed sewed seeds, and
Hoped the ground had caught ’em.
Got his name the strangest way: He
Had an apple bottom.[1]

[1] Apple bottom = a round butt that sticks out. 

Friday, March 27, 2015

Fundamentals, 7

Tommy’s Terrific/Terrible Dream

In the night Tommy slept (oh, so soundly he slept!),
And he had a most comforting  dream.
Yes, he dreamed of a woman who was his ideal.
(But she spurned him: “Too wide in the beam.”) 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Fundamentals, 6

Tremendous Trane

The scientists had named him Trane—
He was a captured moose.
They were astounded by this Trane—
By his immense caboose. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Fundamentals, 5

Devilish Danny

Yes, he was a dickens, was that
Little boy named Danny.
Father sometimes had to warm his
Little Danny's fanny.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Fundamentals, 4

Thomas’ Terror

Thomas freaked the other night: He
Found he had a cootie.
Tripped while running off for help and
Fell on his patootie. 

Monday, March 23, 2015

Fundamentals, 3

Toppled Tom

You should not run while blindfolded—
Tom knew but but did not care.
A patch of ice put careless Tom
Upon his derrière.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Fundamental, 2

Pat’s Problem

So Pat is running down the stairs—
He's always doing that.
But now he slips! He cries aloud!
He's landed on his prat!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Fundamental, 1

A series celebrating that part of us we don't ever really see ...

Dan’s Downfall

Whistling down the sidewalk, Dan was
Making plans for Easter.
Did not see banana peels and
Landed on his keister. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

Deathwords, C: The End, at Last, Arrives!

Dry Doggerelist

The poet, like a well, ran dry—
He could no more pretend.
Exhausting all his “Deathwords,” he
Had reached his journey’s end. 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Deathwords, XCIX

Dylan in the Dark

Of darkness Dylan was afraid—
He much preferred the light.
A fall into an open mine—
Not gentle—That Good Night.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Deathwords, XCVIII

Lorne's Last Call

Lorne loved to drink—there wasn't much
That he declined to swallow. 
He drank too much—met Odin then
In mythical Valhalla. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Deathwords, XCVII

Artless Art

So Art, while battling Evil, had
To stop to have a yawn.
Then Evil struck! When Art woke up,
He was in Avalon. 

Monday, March 16, 2015

Deathwords, XCVI

Hank’s New Home

The builder (Hank) fell from the roof
And landed on poor Klaus.
Now each of them resides inside—
What’s called “a narrow house.”

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Deathwords, XCV

The Final Flight of Elvis

Elvis ratted out his friends—his
Lies forever gilding.
Hurled from off the Empire State—thus
Elvis left the Building. 

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Deathwords, XCIV

Clocked by the Rock

"Oh, Rocky, let's not fight—my hair
Must never get too mussed!”
Then Rocky hooked him with a left—
The Hair Guy bit the dust. 

Friday, March 13, 2015

Deathwords, XCIII

Conrad’s Comeuppance

So Conrad—he could operate.
He lied, he stole, he conned.
He ran a game on Al Capone—
Then found the Great Beyond. 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Deathwords, XCII

Terminal Thomas

Thomas loved his farming life—he
Loved to plow and harrow.
Fell into a chipper, though, so
Now he's bought the barrow.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Deathwords, XCI

Bea’s New Residence

Bea loved classic literature—her
Homer, Shakespeare, Milton.
Slain by a librarian! Next …
Horizontal Hilton.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Deathwords, XC

Vandy’s Dandy Village

Vandy kept expenses low—there
Was no local millage.
Taxes are no issue there in
His new Vermin Village. 

Monday, March 9, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXIX

Cam in a Jam

Old Cam the cobbler did not hear—
Or failed to heed the news.
He didn't pay protection, so
He's wearing concrete shoes. 

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXVIII

Period’s End

Willy Period (his name) has
Died, I fear—the bends. Will
Dived too deep—and far too fast—so
Now he lives in Endsville. 

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXVII

The Pioneer Meets His Last Mohican

Old Natty Bumppo’s slain his last—
You’ll not see him around.
He’s found the path that’s led him to
The Happy Hunting Ground. 

Friday, March 6, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXVI

Near Will’s Hamlet

Near the hamlet, Will fell far—he
Was high in the front tree.
He has solved the mystery—the
Undiscovered country. 

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXV

Hanging with Stu

From the haberdashery—with
Wicked laughs so hearty—
Vigilantes dragged poor Stu and
Had a necktie party.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXIV

Casey Croaks

Casey—railroad engineer—will
Take no more vacation:
Texting while the train escaped—to
Termination Station. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXIII

Ranger Ranges Regrettably

The forest ranger (name was Rick)
Had tried to make his mark.
A grizzly ate him; now Rick works
Inside that too-dark park.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXII

Grave Gerard

Gerard the plumber fears no job—
Astonishingly brave.
A sink falls on him from his truck—
He sinks into the grave. 

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Deathwords, LXXXI

Lamar Loses

Lamar would wear such fancy duds—
He drank from Fashion’s cup.
A vicious tailor scissored him—
And now he lies toes up.