Hiatus.

 On hiatus for a while.

Random Doggerel, 36

 

Brand Names Now Universal, 6

 

 

Laundromat 

Before I married—laundromat!

My home away from my wee home—

Apartment (or, preferred?) a flat—

Where there was little space to roam.

 

I saved my quarters—priceless things

That paid to clean both smudge and stain

And stuff unpleasant (gnarly things)—

I hope I don’t need to explain!

*expired as trademark in 1952

Random Doggerel, 35

 

Brand Names Now Universal, 5

 

Kerosene 

A word we’ve used for many years—

A word that sometimes flames—

A word now used so generally—

Has had so many names.

* trademarked in 1854--though I'm not sure it still is

Random Doggerel, 34

 Brand Names Now Universal, 4 

Jacuzzi

Jacuzzi? Yes, but I have tried

Just one time, I recall.

It was, I think, in winter—no, 

Not summer, spring, nor fall.

I felt self-conscious in that tub—

That’s all that I recall.

I won’t repeat that episode—

On, no, one time is all!

*Jacuzzi Brands, LLC

Random Doggerel, 33

 Brand Names Now Universal, 3

Onesies

I know not much of onesies—I

Have never put one on.

Well not, at least, since infancy—

But those days long are gone.

Okay, I wrestled long ago—

And didn’t have much luck.

Oh, not because of onesies—but

At some sports I just suck.

*trademark: Gerber Children'swear, LLC

Random Doggerel, 32

Brand Names Now Universal, 2 

Bubble Wrap

I never would have guessed this term

Was not a plain generic one—

Like bug or bee or duck or worm—

It seems so long ago begun.

But so it is, I just now learned.

It’s trademarked—has a history—

A history unknown to me.

(In ways, I guess, I’ve just been burned!)

*trademarked by Sealed Air Corporation

Random Doggerel, 31

Brand Names Now Universal, 1

Jet Ski

Who would have ever thought it?

That jet ski is a brand?

Jet skiers would—well, of course they would—

But all across the land

And waters all around the world,

The name now is applied

To all devices similar—

And not all certified!*

*Kawasaki's brand name

Random Doggerel, 30

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 20: Tiger Lily

We know that Tiger Lily was

A character in Peter Pan,

But it’s a puzzler, too, because,

It is a flower, named by man.

Are things more contradictory

Than flowers and that fearsome cat?

The one is lovely, we can see;

The other eats you, nothing flat!

Oh, contradictions flow through time—

And some are puzzling—some a hoot—

Some tigers kill you for a dime—

Some flowers bound to stalk and root.

Random Doggerel, 29

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 19: Swan Goose

Make up your mind! Do you know birds?

Or are you simply out of words?

How can your language be so loose

To call a swan, instead, a goose?

Or maybe it’s a goose for real?

And not a swan? How do you feel

When someone calls you Bob, not Burt?

Oh, don’t you feel a little hurt?

Random Doggerel, 28

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 18: skunk bear

A pleasant pair our series brings—

You have no choice but to agree:

A creature that can eat such things

Like you and (sadly), yes, like me.

And add to him that smelly dude,

Who thickens air with funky gas.

I mean, is there a thing more rude

Than spoiling air—when will it pass!

Random Doggerel, 27

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 18: Rhinoceros Beetle

Now this is one I’d like to see!

A beetle with a horn, I guess?

Though I confess it seems to me

That wouldn’t be too scary, yes?

Unless, of course, you’re smaller! Then

That beetle must look awesome, Yo.

Enough to scare a bug named Ken—

Who’ll run as fast as Ken can go.

Random Doggerel, 26

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 17: scorpion fly

Now this one kind of creeps me out—

A scorpion that flies!

And when he lands and stings, I guess

The stung one ups and dies?

You need a tennis racket as

You deal with bugs in skies.

I smack some tennis balls, of course,

But also scary flies!

Random Doggerel, 25

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 15: rat terrier

A rat that is a dog—a dog that is a rat.

Oh, there is something wrong with that!

The one is a most valued pet;

The other? Well, I wouldn’t bet

That lots of people kiss their rats—

I don’t hear all those smooches, splats

That come from homes where rats abide.

(Who knows what’s going on inside?)

Yes, dogs are far more loved, I think.

And rats? Not valued like a mink!

Random Doggerel, 24

Random Doggerel, 23

Misnamed, 14: mouse deer

Now this one really makes no sense—

A critter that’s both mouse and deer?

I mean, the picture is not very clear

Of this—but maybe I’m just dense?

So is the deer so very small?

Or is the mouse so very big?

And how did Nature ever rig

A thing that is both short and tall?!

Random Doggerel, 23

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 13: leopard frog

A leopard and a frog, you say?

How can they be the same? No way!

The one likes ponds and lily pads—

The other eats our moms and dads.

Some leopards must be so alarmed

To find that frogs are sometimes charmed—

And even earn a special kiss,

Transforming them—oh, silly bliss!

Random Doggerel, 22

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 12: grasshopper mouse

Now, these two names just make no sense—

Or not, at least, to me.

It what ways are these two the same?

In mere mortality?

Yes, both are born, and both will die—

But does that even mean

That they are both so similar

That they are king and queen!

Random Doggerel, 21

Random Doggerel

 

Misnamed, 12: fox squirrel 

A squirrel that looks like a fox?

Or is it just the other way?

Well, neither creature really talks,

So what to make of this display?

 

But do we have to make a choice?

It doesn’t really matter much.

And so together—with one voice—

Let’s call it just a such-and-such!

Random Doggerel, 20

Random Doggerel

 Misnamed 11: buffalo fish

 

A buffalo that fishes? Or

A buffalo that has transformed?

I really do not know the score—

I’m really not too well informed.

 

I guess I know that if a fish

Is like a ranging buffalo,

It is my very fondest wish

To hide until that fish will go

Away.

Random Doggerel, 19

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 10: antlion

I ain’t lyin’: If a lion

Thinks that it would rather be an

Ant, then we can see he’s tryin’—

Being something that an ant can

 

Not become—he never makes it.

Asked my aunt if any lion

Wished to be an ant—“Oh, no, twit!”—

This she said to her son Brian.

Random Doggerel, 18

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 9: Flea Beetle

The beetle is not happy—no:

It doesn’t want to be a flea.

I understand—I think I know:

That name would not, of course, please me.

The flea’s not happy either, for

A beetle’s not a pleasant choice.

Oh, all (he thinks) is such a bore—

He sees no way he can rejoice.

Random Doggerel, 17

Random Doggerel

Misnamed, 8: Burro/Mule Deer

Make up your mind! What is this thing?

A burro or a deer?!?

It can’t be both, as you well know—

Let’s make that very clear.

A beast of burden? I think not.

A deer (with fawn and buck)?

I think so—yes! But then you'll claim

It really is a duck!

Random Doggerel, 16

Random Doggerel

 Misnamed 7: alligator turtle 

Now, here’s a mismatch—watery.

They both like swamps (no mystery).

But one is short and one is long—

And that would not inspire a song!

 

And one will eat you—one will not—

So if I find myself some spot

 Where one approaches fearful Dan—

I’ll take the one that can’t, not can.

Random Doggerel, 15

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 6: tiger swallowtail butterfly

So many creatures in this name—

And none of them are, well, the same.

A tiger (can you hear it roar?)—

A swallowtail (it’s aft, not fore)—

A butterfly—oh, see it dance!—

As if it learned to dance in France.

And all these three combined in one?

Perhaps a name that’s overdone?

Random Doggerel, 14

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 5: butterfly fish

A fish that’s like a butterfly!

I’d like to see one in my yard:
I say to him, “Now listen, pard.

Avoid all these, my precious plants,

But dine away upon the ants!

Random Doggerel, 13

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 4: fox squirrel

A squirrel cannot be a fox—

You can’t, I think be your own food?

Just ask an ox—just ask some hawks—

They’ll say your thoughts are skewed!

Random Doggerel, 12

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 3: dragonfly

Oh, sure, a dragon’s known to fly—

Is that its species, too?

Of course it isn’t—dragonflies

Are insects through and through.

And flies, of course, aren’t dragons—if

You claim so, you’re a liar!

For flies don’t guard huge piles of gold—

Exhale some deadly fire!

Random Doggerel, 11

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 2: prairie dog

So, if you’ve seen a prairie dog

(As I have—many times before),

Unless you’re in some mental fog,

It ain’t no dog—and, furthermore,

It’s like a chipmunk (below, you see)—

Or go consult a reference book,

Of if, like me, in memory

You just remember—take a look!

Random Doggerel, 10

Random Doggerel

Misnamed 1: Catfish

In case you haven’t noticed, well,

A catfish is no cat.

It seems so very obvious—

So I can live with that.

Oh, yeah, it’s got some whiskers, and

A cat has those, as well.

But it’s a fish—it’s plain to see—

And surely you can tell!

Random Doggerel, 9

Random Doggerel

In these grim times I miss my bike—

I used to ride it everywhere:

To school (I tried to take much care,

Avoid a very careless strike

Of someone whom I’d pedal by.)

I’d pay attention: Trucks and cars

Can bang you—fill your head with stars—

And leave you staring at the sky.

But balance is the issue now—

I’ve lost it—and I wish I knew

Where I could find it (wouldn’t you?).

And life is not as fun somehow.

Random Doggerel, 8

Random Doggerel

Ignored Corolla

We have two cars—but ever since

We saw this COVID thing commence,

Our “second car”—2010

Corolla—really hasn’t been

Much more than a museum piece—

In the garage it begs release!

I start it twice a week, of course:

The battery remains its source

Of power—and if I let it drain,

Inside that poor car will remain.

I let it run a little while,

Then shut it down (it does not smile).

But if we need it, it won’t preen

And will roar out from quarantine.

Random Doggerel, 7

Random Doggerel

First Lily

July 12, 2020

A lily—first one—blossomed here—

A brilliant orange—it has no peer.

I love to see them—every year.

They let us know that’s summer’s come,

That birds can chirp, and bees can hum,

And gone (for now) is winter’s glum.

Each blossom lives a single day—

Such beauty cannot really stay—

Reminding us of life’s sad way.

Random Doggerel, 6

Random Doggerel

Clouds, Rain, Sun

The sun is playing Hide and Seek—

It hides a while—then takes a peek.

And sometimes it is gone for days—

What kind of person that way plays!?

And while it hides, clouds swell with grief,

Then cry some rain—get some relief.

And when at last old Sol appears,

The clouds rejoice, disperse—no tears.

Random Doggerel, 5

Random Doggerel

Our Sparrow Bush

Our sparrows love a certain bush

Outside beside our drive.

Sometimes they chirp so loudly that

The bush just comes alive.

Well, sure, the bush already lives

In its laconic way.

But now it seems it’s sprouted wings—

Will fly away some day.

Random Doggerel, 4

Random Doggerel

A Hammer In the Road

Stow, Ohio

July 10, 2020

And there it lay—a hammer!—on

Ohio 91.

Some drivers tried to miss it—

Some others, just for fun,

Made sure they hit the handle—it

Was made with solid wood.

I’m not sure why they did this, for

It really did no good.

But then I figured out just why

They were behaving so:

Perhaps they’d been inside a bar

And now were hammered, Yo!

Random Doggerel, 3

Random Doggerel

Grandma Was a Rocker

A rocking chair in front of me

Reminds me of my boyhood days

When Grandma sat—she could amaze

Me with her creativity.

This was her chair for many years—

Its armrests worn by her dear arms—

Where I would sit, admire her charms,

While she revealed such new frontiers

That I thought life a miracle.

She read to me―I on her lap

Would soon drift off into a nap.

For her I’m panegyrical.

Random Doggerel, 2

Random Doggerel

Dancing Squirrel

July 8, 2020

The squirrel danced atop our fence—

A picket fence—it made no sense.

But on he went, right down the line—

A Fred Astaire—but sciurine.*

And did he see me standing there

And dance along like Fred Astaire

Because he wished to prove to me

His vast superiority?

If so, he did it—dropped the mic.

I sold my car—and bought a trike.

*Yeah, sciurine [SY-u-rine] means like a squirrel.

Random Doggerel, 1

Because my health is iffy these days (to say the least), I'm not going to launch into a new, thematic series--not sure I could finish it, or feel like doing it.

So, instead, a series I'm calling "Random Doggerel"--whatever pops into my head.

Here we go ...

Random Doggerel

Cat, Unmoving, by the Fire

July 7, 2020

The cat is lying by the fire—

But something’s in arrears:

He hasn’t moved at all today—

He hasn’t moved in years.

His eyes are shut; his tail is curled.

I should feel no chagrin:

This cat has flowers on his back—

Is made of porcelain.

Head to Toe, 56

Head to Toe:

Boning Up on the Bones of the Body

Finale

Our revels now are ended, so

I guess it’s time for me to go?

It’s time for bony rhymes to cease—

Which gives to you some blithe release.

We’ve traveled down—from skull to toe—

And since we’ve done so, you all know

The names of every single bone—

A quiz will prove it—do not groan!

I do not want to grade a quiz,

So we’ll just leave it as it is:

A journey that is now complete—

A trip that caused no aching feet!

Head to Toe, 55

Head to Toe:

Boning Up on the Bones of the Body

Foot (i): distal phalanges

These are the wee ones in our toes—

The ones we stub—oh, yes, it’s those—

Phalanges that we curse in pain

And vow we won’t do that again—

Until, of course, we do.