Saturday, January 31, 2015

Deathwords, LII

Jack the Boxer

The boxer (name was Jack) could punch—
But not so good at blocks.
He took a hook—so deadly, man!—
Jack went home in a box. 

Friday, January 30, 2015

Deathwords, LI

Rueful Roy

The landscape guy—his name was Roy—
All weeds he just attacked.
But then the weeds employed the Mob—
And that’s how Roy got whacked.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Deathwords, L

Luann's Loss

Luann became a novelist—
Just as her family taught.
Depressed—she’d no ideas!—so
She bought the family plot.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Deathwords, XLIX

Gomer’s a Goner

Gomer always dreamed of wheat—oh,
He was such a sleeper.
One day he did not wake up: He’d
Finally met The Reaper. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Deathwords, XLVIII

Carl’s Cares Are Over

So Carl the Cowboy—bad stampede—
He clutched a fragile branch.
But then it broke, and so did he—
Off to the Marble Ranch. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Deathwords, XLVII

Sue Ann’s Solution

Sue Ann taught mathematics, and
She had all problems fixed,
But on a cruise—oh, overboard!
And thus she was deep-sixed. 

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Deathwords, XLVI

Sal, the Extinct

Sal worked in the museum where
Extinctions earned her bread.
A T. rex tumbled on her—now 
Poor Sal is dodo dead. 

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Deathwords, XLV

Sad Sid

Sid loved our southern rivers—and
Disdained the ocean blue.
A rattler bit him—now Sid sails
Along the Bone Bayou. 

Friday, January 23, 2015

Deathwords, XLIV

For Stanley, Who Caught More Than Dogs

Old Stanley caught the strays in town—
But lately, out of breath,
He chased a dog he couldn’t catch—
But then he caught his death.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Deathwords, XLIII

Phil’s Hill

So Phil, the climber, woke that day
Unwell—yes, feeling ill.
So he prepared for one last climb—
The summit of Boot Hill. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Deathwords, XLII

Do What You Khan

Genghis liked to raid and rape; he
Liked to rage and plunder.
He did all a raider khan, and
Now he’s six feet under.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Deathwords, XLI

Dead Letter Bill

Fearless Bill was a rider—the Pony Express—
And his clothes were much worn and much patched.
He got lost in the desert—Comanche were near,
And that’s how Fearless Bill got dispatched. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

Deathwords, XL

Final Hymn to Jim

Bold Jim once stole a turkey, and—
He smoked and basted him.
The bird belonged, though, to the Mob,
And so they wasted Jim. 

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Deathwords, XXXIX

Tokey Troy

Troy loved his majijuana—oh,
He bought, he rolled, he toked.
He fell asleep behind the wheel,
And that’s how he got smoked. 

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Deathwords, XXXVIII

Hammy Randall

Randall really loved fresh ham, so
He had lots of pig fun.
One day he fell in the sty—that’s
How he bit the big one. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

Deathwords, XXXVII

Hardy Jerome

Jerome went to the Arctic, where
He fell—an icy cliff.
And by the time they found Jerome,
He’d turned into a stiff.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Deathwords, XXXVI

Mortal Mathilda

Mathilda was a realtor—
But drank excessive wine.
So she collapsed, thus purchasing
A condo made of pine. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Deathwords, XXXV

Run Aground Sue

Sue was an operator—and
Her job was such a ball.
But cellphones killed her job—and her:
Sue answered the Last Call. 

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Deathwords, XXXIV

Lorraine Signs Off

Lorraine, the TV host, was great—
But then she coughed and coughed.
Result? A cancelled show—and life.
Yes, poor Lorraine was offed.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Deathwords, XXXIII

Ted's Tumble

The dirt-bike champ (his name was Ted)
Just raced his final lap.
The bike and Ted went off a cliff—
It’s time for Ted’s dirt nap. 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Deathwords, XXXII

Lament for Louise

Louise, the dentist, loved to floss—
A vital dental must.
She skydived in the desert—POW!
She really bit the dust. 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Deathwords, XXXI

Karl Gets the Boot

Old Karl, the cobbler, sad to say,
Was found stone dead at dawn.
His friends remarked that he at least
Had died with his boots on. 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Deathwords, XXX

Bill's Bill Comes Due

William’s complicated life—once
Full of countless bothers.
He blew off all Father’s Days—He's 
Gathered to his fathers.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Deathwords, XXIX

Tim Dims

The bounty hunter (Timothy)
Was rarely ever bored.
One fugitive dispatched poor Tim,
Who’s gone to his reward. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Deathwords, XXVIII

Dwayne: Down and Out

Dwayne, the greatest quarterback,
Was skillful to the last,
For even when his life was gone,
The papers said, “He passed.”

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Deathwords, XXVII

Barring Tom

Tom made the owners angry—yes,
They thought he’d gone too far.
The tavern-keepers shot him dead,
And thus he crossed the bar.


Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar":

SUNSET and evening star,
  And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
  When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,        5
  Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
  Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
  And after that the dark!        10
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
  When I embark;
For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
  The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face        15
  When I have crossed the bar.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Deathwords, XXVI

Barb, the Climber

Barb bought a fancy Stairmaster—
She’s left it to her heirs.
She tripped and broke a vital part—
Now come the Golden Stairs.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Deathwords, XXV

Sheepish Tim

Tim was a sad insomniac—
He counted many sheep.
He’ll count them now perpetually:
He’s started the Big Sleep.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Deathwords, XXIV

Deep Davy

Davy took the cruise because he
Was a creepy stalker.
Rachel shoved him overboard—to
Davy Jones’s Locker.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Deathwords, XXIII

Lament for Louise

Louise, the star biologist—
Authority on germs—
Discovered such a deadly one
That now she’s counting worms.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Deathwords, XXII

Pinocchio Passes

Then Pinocchio got old and
Bought his final acre.
Soon he’d see Geppetto—yes, he’d
Meet (again) his maker.