Deathwords, LXXX

Sue Ann’s New Digs

Sue Ann, the realtor, fell down

The steep and endless stair.

She’s moved now to her new abode

On Fertilizer Square.

Deathwords, LXXIX

Krisp Kate

Kate would hit the fridge at night—as

Silent as a whisper.

But a psycho tracked and killed her—

Kate’s now in the crisper. 

Deathwords, LXXVIII

Walt Won’t Wake

Walt’s narcolepsy was severe—

Oh, such a sleepy chap.

But one day Walt did not wake up ...

’Twas his eternal nap. 

Deathwords, LXXVII

Stormy George

George loved the simple things—to see

A lovely feather whirled.

But in whirled a tornado—now

He’s off to Netherworld. 

Deathwords, LXXVI

Taylor’s Terminus

The post-apocalyptic world

Affected Taylor’s mood.

And later—in an alley—he

Became fresh zombie food. 

Deathwords, LXXV

Karl’s Kollapse

So Karl (the carpenter) was drunk—

And then he hit the floor.

That hammer's sound you hear is Karl, 

Who’s knockin’ on heaven’s door. 

Deathwords, LXXIV

Chuckie’s Chocolate

Chuckie thought of suicide, of

Hanging from a rafter.

But he pigged on candy—now he’s

In the sweet hereafter.

Deathwords, LXXIII

Rock On

“Let’s stone the witch!” vile Rocky cried.

“Let’s not,” fair Jewel said.

Then Jewel’s friends grabbed all the rocks,

And Rocky’s now stone dead. 

Deathwords, LXXII

Let's (Not) Be Frank

Well, Frank (the pirate) erred in deed,

And, if we may be frank,

His mutiny? A big mistake.

And now he’ll walk the plank. 

Deathwords, LXXI

Terminal Tom

So Tom the poultry butcher took
A gander—oh, he looked
So long at Beth he hit a tree—

And then his goose was cooked.

Deathwords, LXX

Gwen's Gone

Poor Gwen the travel agent won't

Be ever on the mend:

Her car went off the canyon’s edge—

She reached her journey’s end. 

Deathwords, LIX

Piscine Sleep

Robert was an angler, and he

Loved all seafood dishes.

Then he fell into the sea, and

Now he sleeps with fishes. 

Deathwords, LVIII

Robin Flies No More

So, Robin loved spaghetti, and

She ate it every day.

She ate so much she’s now a meal

Down at the worm buffet. 

Deathwords, LXVII

Fire Works

A fireworks stand—Ted struck a match—

His notion of a joke.

He had some dreams, but on that day

They all went up in smoke. 

Deathwords, LXVI

Blaze Buys It

Blaze’s end—spectacular (though

Also somewhat gory).

Still his friends were thrilled that Blaze left

In a blaze of glory. 

Deathwords, LXV

Pete’s Farewell

Old Pete the Plumber—talented.

The hardest job? He’d shrug.

He slipped into a bathtub, though—

And so they pulled the plug. 

Deathwords, LXIV

Bork Buys It

Bork the Raider, six feet tall, just

Loved to rape and plunder.

Then a peasant skewered him, and

Now he’s six feet under. 

Deathwords, LXIII

Snake Oil

A rattlesnake named Hamlet fell

Into some boiling oil,

And that’s when Hamlet shuffled off

His very mortal coil. 

Deathwords, LXII

Buh-bye, Boyd

Old Boyd, the gifted quarterback,

Insisted that he play.

A blitzer blasted him—and thus

Old Boyd just passed away. 

Deathwords, LXI

Harping on It

Lucille was a musician, but

She choked—a bone of carp.

When she woke up, she realized

That she’d picked up a harp. 

Deathwords, LX

The Musician Knows His Rests

McNair the drummer knew his kit—

From snare to toms to bass.

He lost his rhythm—then he found

His final resting place. 

Deathwords, LIX

Donny’s Demise

Donny watched the charmer, who could

Not control the viper.

That’s why Donny is no more: He

Had to pay the piper. 

Deathwords, LVIII

Smoke Alarm

That bear named Smokey in a storm

Got absolutely soaked.

He built a fire to dry himself—

And that’s how he got smoked.

Deathwords, LVII

The Pride of the Trojan Warrior

The drunken Trojan warrior flat

Declined all swords and shields,

And this is why he’s now at rest

In lush Elysian Fields.

Deathwords, LVI

Maureen’s Terminal Grammar

Maureen’s an English teacher, with

Her grammar edged—a knife.

And when her time arrives, she knows

She’ll not lie down her life. 

Deathwords, LV

Sniff, Snuff

So Mr. Snuffleupagus

Grew arrogant—so puffed!

Bert held a pillow to his trunk—

“Behave—or you get snuffed!”

Deathwords, LIV

The Last of Lem

Lem loved the taste of lemon drops—

He ate them in his bed.

But one caught in his windpipe, so

Poor Lem, I fear, dropped dead. 

Deathwords, LIII

Luke’s Ill Luck

Luke (the Lover) loved Samantha—

Really doted on her.

Texted her while driving fast—now

Luke, I fear’s, a goner.