Deathwords, LII

Jack the Boxer

The boxer (name was Jack) could punch—

But not so good at blocks.

He took a hook—so deadly, man!—

Jack went home in a box. 

Deathwords, LI

Rueful Roy

The landscape guy—his name was Roy—

All weeds he just attacked.

But then the weeds employed the Mob—

And that’s how Roy got whacked.

Deathwords, L

Luann's Loss

Luann became a novelist—

Just as her family taught.

Depressed—she’d no ideas!—so

She bought the family plot.

Deathwords, XLIX

Gomer’s a Goner

Gomer always dreamed of wheat—oh,

He was such a sleeper.

One day he did not wake up: He’d

Finally met The Reaper. 

Deathwords, XLVIII

Carl’s Cares Are Over

So Carl the Cowboy—bad stampede—

He clutched a fragile branch.

But then it broke, and so did he—

Off to the Marble Ranch. 

Deathwords, XLVII

Sue Ann’s Solution

Sue Ann taught mathematics, and

She had all problems fixed,

But on a cruise—oh, overboard!

And thus she was deep-sixed. 

Deathwords, XLVI

Sal, the Extinct

Sal worked in the museum where

Extinctions earned her bread.

A T. rex tumbled on her—now 

Poor Sal is dodo dead. 

Deathwords, XLV

Sad Sid

Sid loved our southern rivers—and

Disdained the ocean blue.

A rattler bit him—now Sid sails

Along the Bone Bayou. 

Deathwords, XLIV

For Stanley, Who Caught More Than Dogs

Old Stanley caught the strays in town—

But lately, out of breath,

He chased a dog he couldn’t catch—

But then he caught his death.

Deathwords, XLIII

Phil’s Hill

So Phil, the climber, woke that day

Unwell—yes, feeling ill.

So he prepared for one last climb—

The summit of Boot Hill. 

Deathwords, XLII

Do What You Khan

Genghis liked to raid and rape; he

Liked to rage and plunder.

He did all a raider khan, and

Now he’s six feet under.

Deathwords, XLI

Dead Letter Bill

Fearless Bill was a rider—the Pony Express—

And his clothes were much worn and much patched.

He got lost in the desert—Comanche were near,

And that’s how Fearless Bill got dispatched. 

Deathwords, XL

Final Hymn to Jim

Bold Jim once stole a turkey, and—

He smoked and basted him.

The bird belonged, though, to the Mob,

And so they wasted Jim. 

Deathwords, XXXIX

Tokey Troy

Troy loved his majijuana—oh,

He bought, he rolled, he toked.

He fell asleep behind the wheel,

And that’s how he got smoked. 

Deathwords, XXXVIII

Hammy Randall

Randall really loved fresh ham, so

He had lots of pig fun.

One day he fell in the sty—that’s

How he bit the big one. 

Deathwords, XXXVII

Hardy Jerome

Jerome went to the Arctic, where

He fell—an icy cliff.

And by the time they found Jerome,

He’d turned into a stiff.

Deathwords, XXXVI

Mortal Mathilda

Mathilda was a realtor—

But drank excessive wine.

So she collapsed, thus purchasing

A condo made of pine. 

Deathwords, XXXV

Run Aground Sue

Sue was an operator—and

Her job was such a ball.

But cellphones killed her job—and her:

Sue answered the Last Call. 

Deathwords, XXXIV

Lorraine Signs Off

Lorraine, the TV host, was great—

But then she coughed and coughed.

Result? A cancelled show—and life.

Yes, poor Lorraine was offed.

Deathwords, XXXIII

Ted's Tumble

The dirt-bike champ (his name was Ted)

Just raced his final lap.

The bike and Ted went off a cliff—

It’s time for Ted’s dirt nap. 

Deathwords, XXXII

Lament for Louise

Louise, the dentist, loved to floss—

A vital dental must.

She skydived in the desert—POW!

She really bit the dust. 

Deathwords, XXXI

Karl Gets the Boot

Old Karl, the cobbler, sad to say,

Was found stone dead at dawn.

His friends remarked that he at least

Had died with his boots on. 

Deathwords, XXX

Bill's Bill Comes Due

William’s complicated life—once
Full of countless bothers.
He blew off all Father’s Days—He's 

Gathered to his fathers.

Deathwords, XXIX

Tim Dims

The bounty hunter (Timothy)

Was rarely ever bored.

One fugitive dispatched poor Tim,

Who’s gone to his reward. 

Deathwords, XXVIII

Dwayne: Down and Out

Dwayne, the greatest quarterback,

Was skillful to the last,

For even when his life was gone,

The papers said, “He passed.”

Deathwords, XXVII

Barring Tom

Tom made the owners angry—yes,

They thought he’d gone too far.

The tavern-keepers shot him dead,

And thus he crossed the bar.

***

Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar":

SUNSET and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,	5
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!	10
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face	15
When I have crossed the bar.

Deathwords, XXVI

Barb, the Climber

Barb bought a fancy Stairmaster—

She’s left it to her heirs.

She tripped and broke a vital part—

Now come the Golden Stairs.

Deathwords, XXV

Sheepish Tim

Tim was a sad insomniac—

He counted many sheep.

He’ll count them now perpetually:

He’s started the Big Sleep.

Deathwords, XXIV

Deep Davy

Davy took the cruise because he

Was a creepy stalker.

Rachel shoved him overboard—to

Davy Jones’s Locker.

Deathwords, XXIII

Lament for Louise

Louise, the star biologist—

Authority on germs—

Discovered such a deadly one

That now she’s counting worms.

Deathwords, XXII

Pinocchio Passes

Then Pinocchio got old and

Bought his final acre.

Soon he’d see Geppetto—yes, he’d

Meet (again) his maker.