Chicken Big, 53

Frightening Doggerel

Hamlet’s Dilemma: urophobia

His fear of micturition caused

Poor Hamlet’s agony.

All day and night in self-debate:

“To pee or not to pee?”

Chicken Big, 52

Frightening Doggerel

Hairy Situation: trichophobia

He had the oddest fear of all—

Of hair, on person or on doll.

He shaved himself from head to toe,

And—this is no surprise to know—

His school presented that show Hair,

And he was not found anywhere.

The rumor is—a chicken farm,

Where he can cause no careless harm.

For eggs are hairless (chickens, too).

At last! A job that he can do!

Chicken Big, 51

Frightening Doggerel

Not So Hot: thermophobia

His fear of heat, his new wife found,

Was just another legal ground

To file for a divorce. He would

Not buy a furnace or buy wood

For their capacious fireplace. She

Was freezing, all year long. The fee

Her lawyer charged seemed fair to her,

So they proceeded (she bought fur

Until it finalized). So bold:
The new wife ditched her hubby—cold.

Chicken Big, 50

Frightening Doggerel

Lost at Sea: thalassophobia

His fear of oceans was a mark

Against the fabled Captain Hook.

(He also greatly feared the dark

And every single kind of book.)

But he still terrified his crew—

With tales of clocks and crocodiles.

So while they sailed the ocean blue,

He kept control. But phony smiles

Before too long had worn so thin

That there was talk of mutiny.

So he confessed to all his men:

“It's just that I can't stand the sea!”

And they applauded, every one,

At Captain Hook’s frank honesty.

And Hook cried out, “Let's all have fun,

From every sea to shining sea!”

And so that morning of release—

That morning very dark and dank—

The captain made his psychic peace:

He made a prisoner walk the plank.

Chicken Big, 49

Frightening Doggerel

Monster of a Problem: teratophobia

She had a problem, dread and dire,

A problem that was not benign:

A creature that did not like fire,

Created by one Frankenstein.

But Mary Shelley lost that fear—

And celebrated with some wine—

For as you know (oh, did you hear?

’Twas Mary who made Frankenstein. 

Chicken Big, 48

Frightening Doggerel

Bull: taurophobia

So, at his job he'd little pull,

And his poor mind was always full

Of fears—especially the bull

That sniffed around outside the place.

It had a gruesome, fearsome face.

Oh, he looked like a deadly case.

But this old bull was Ferdinand,

Who sniffed the flowers close at hand,

Was known for mildness through the land.

But still the fear consumed our lad—

Among all cases, very bad.

So he confessed this to his dad,

Who said, “A bull’s a kind of cow,

So find some courage, please, somehow.

Now leave me—time for Netflix now.”

Our lad remembered flowers then—

He'd read the book, oh, way back when.

His gift relaxed him once again.

And Ferdinand was very pleased.

Our lad’s deep fear was fully eased—

No more by terror was he seized.

Chicken Big, 47

Frightening Doggerel

Waspish: sphekophobia

So wasp won’t rhyme at all with gasp.

This puzzles him because

A wasp will always make him gasp—

Yes, every time it does.