Mainly Mania, 40

(obsession doggerel)

Frosty: pagomania

He was obsessed with frost and snow,

And every summer he would go

Somewhere where bitter winds would blow.

He was a “sunbird,” I would say—

Reverse of “snowbird,” every way.

He hated any sunny day—

Unless the sun lit bitter cold,

And then he would (or so I'm told)

Feel somewhat—just a bit—consoled.

But bitter cold so quickly wears

The body. Fatally impairs.

They buried him near polar bears.

Who groaned an ursine sort of groan—

Part growl, somewhat—a bit of moan—

For they had lost one of their own.

Mainly Mania, 39

(obsession doggerel)

Will you …?: gamomania (mania for making odd marriage proposals)

Okay, I asked a tree to wed—

But it said no (no room in bed).

And so I moved on to a duck—

But she said no (such rotten luck).

So why not wed a favorite book?

But Moby gave me not a look.

“So I’ll wed Juliet!” I cried.

(I had not heard that she had died.)

So then I tried a kangaroo—

But she cried, “What is wrong with you?”

And punched me—hard—right in the face,

And I fell down and stayed in place.

When I woke up (somewhere near dawn),

I found my mania was gone.

I asked a woman. She said, “No.”

And so I tried a buffalo.

Mainly Mania, 38

(obsession doggerel)

Sleepyhead: somnemania

Jerome just really loved to sleep.

Hit hit the bed—and not a peep

Would then ensue. For hours he

Would saw his wood—but silently.

He’d wake. He'd eat. And then he’d snap,

And cry aloud, “I need a nap.”

And off he go, back to his bed,

And sleep as if he now were dead.

So this went on there in his den—

Until he never woke again. 

Mainly Mania, 37

(obsession doggerel)

To Bee or Not to Bee: apiomania

Young Hamlet loved the honey bees.

To see them float on Danish breeze

Would sometimes take him to his knees.

But Gertrude (Mom) was not so sure—

She thought it was so immature

To dote on bees. She sought a cure.

She told her son about a ghost—

Which scared the little boy the most—

A ghost who’d really loved to roast

A kid who is obsessed with bees.

So Hamlet cried, “Oh, Mother, please!

Please stop!” She did. And—to appease

The lad—she let his uncle play

With him (yes almost every day).

And soon poor Mommy went astray.

It should have been not hard to see:

You separate a boy from bee—

And thus give birth to Tragedy.

Mainly Mania, 36

(obsession doggerel)

Hot Times: pyromania

Luanne believed in hobbies dire,

And so she always played with fire.

(She was a pyromaniac.)

She set fires almost everywhere—

At school, at home—she didn’t care.

(She was a pyromaniac.)

At death she knew that she’d go … south—

I heard it from her very mouth.

(She was a pyromaniac.)

She loves hell’s fire (or so I guess):

For her, it is no fiery mess.

(She is a pyromaniac.)

Mainly Mania, 35

(obsession doggerel)

Home run: drapetomania

Nostalgia didn't flood his mind

When he recalled his home.

Instead, he thought of Athens and

Of Paris and of Rome.

Remembering his home, he thought,

No, not of love and play;

Instead, he just recalled that he

Had wished to run away.

And he had done it—run away—

A thousand times before.

But, hungry, he returned each time—

To eat and sleep and more

And on this pattern reoccurred—

Until his parents balked.

So then one day when he went home,

He found the door was locked.

That ended his odd mania—

He saw his parents weep.

But now, at least, he had a place

To eat and drink and sleep. 

Mainly Mania, 34

(obsession doggerel)

What the Hell? Demonomania

He found he was obsessed with hell—

It didn’t suit him very well

(He was a huge fan of Adele).

But demons fascinated him

(I know, I know—it’s awfully grim)—

They filled his cup, clear to the brim.

He’d do whatever he could do

To summon them into his view:

He’d chant or he would mix a brew

Of nasty, purely evil things—

And all had fangs; a few had wings;

A few had once been parts of kings.

Then one day all the summoned came—

And he, of course, bore all the blame

When all of them then filed a claim

For his poor everlasting soul.

And down he went—the deepest hole—

Where demons live in fiery coal.