Words, Words, Twaddle, 21

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

Death in the Afternoon

Do I love “workshop” as a verb?

I guess there are more ugly sounds—

Though few can equally disturb

My equanimity. Bad rounds

Of golf, insomnia, the flu,

A ruined nap, a blizzard—these

Tend to annoy both me and you.

But “workshop” as a verb! Oh, please!

Stop using it! Immediately!

Or I (and let me not be vague)

Will find you sleeping peacefully—

Inject you with bubonic plague!

Words, Words, Twaddle, 20

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

Have a Bad Day

So you told me this morning to “have a nice day,”

And I’ve tried, but I don't really think that I can.

For that saying by now is much more than cliché:

It is time in my view for a government ban.

And the penalty? Harsh! Just as harsh as can be—

And for me such a move is just far past its time.

And so here’s a suggestion, a most strict remedy:

To employ this foul saying’s a capital crime. 

Words, Words, Twaddle, 19

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

Terminal Odyssey

So you like “mentor” as a verb?

Telemachus would not approve—

And it would thoroughly disturb

Athena, who would say, “Remove

That nasty sound—it hurts my ears!”

Ignoring her most dread command

Would bring to life your greatest fears.

The Cyclops, who you thought were banned,

And Scylla (with Charybdis, too)

Would visit you while you’re in bed,

And they’d have fun tormenting you—

But then they’d stop—and make you dead!

Words, Words, Twaddle, 18

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

What Is Is

I am sick of your language—yes, all that you say.

You are not (I fear) much of a whiz.

Like today in the office I heard what you said:

You declared that “it is what it is.”

Well, that’s really so patent—like “air is just air”—

And, well, I am a sensitive guy,

So when hearing you say that “it is what it is,”

Well, I knew that my soul would just cry.

So tonight (in the dark) you will hear a grim sound—

It’s a sputtering kind of a fizz.

Then the bomb will explode, and then you will disperse.

Don’t you worry: It is what it is. 

Words, Words, Twaddle, 17

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

Take Me Out

A “ballpark figure” leaves me cold—

And not because it’s really old—

But mostly (if I may be bold)

Because I hear it all the time—

A kind of ugly jangling chime

That will not cease. And they are slime

Who use it far too frequently.

Just wait and you will quickly see

How vitriol transfigures me.

Oh, on the surface things seem fine,

But rage converts me: I’m malign—

A creature made by Frankenstein.

Or, better: I will never sulk;

Instead, I’ll grow—such massive bulk—

Till I’ve become … The Language Hulk!

Words, Words, Twaddle, 16

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

Popping Corn

“Let’s make it pop!” I heard him say.

I could not make him stop.

His head’s now in the microwave,

Where I will make it pop. 

Words. Words, Twaddle, 15

(We all dislike/hate certain words and locutions; here are some of mine.)

The Hole Problem

I would like to see the sad statistic:

How we love (so much!) to use “holistic”—

Medicine, assessments (school), and any

Stupid reason that we have. A penny—

Pretty one--I’d find and pay, if only

It would go away and leave me lonely.

(Not that I would grieve that word’s demise—no,

I would gladly celebrate its death, Yo.)