Sound and Sense, 57

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. do (noun): the first tone of the diatonic scale (do-re-mi, etc.)

2. doe (noun): a female animal (deer, rabbit, etc.)

3. dough (noun): a mixture of flour and a liquid (water, milk)

She really was a charming doe.

I gave her singing lessons, Yo.

We started out by singing “do ...”

She’d far more talent than a crow,

And soon we made a ton of dough.

I’d start the song—and she could go!

And we were rich (the money flow!)—

So I stayed home (she traveled, though).

I baked a lot with sourdough.

But then, of course, here came bad luck.

She met a dude who drove a truck.

She married him—his name was Buck.

And soon I was completely broke—

This situation ain’t no joke—

While she just fawned upon her bloke.

Sound and Sense, 56

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. dire (adj.): very bad, causing great fear or worry; very urgent

2. dyer (noun): one who works with dye

The situation—very dire.

His patent would so soon expire,

And everyone could be a dyer.

He wished he had much better planned—

Could see his factory expand.

He liked its name—The Dyer’s Hand.

Or, sure, he stole that from the Bard—

Some sonnet (reading it was hard)—

But now his life would soon be jarred.

“Oh well,” he thought, “It could be worse.

I’ve really had no cause to curse.”

He shuddered when he saw the hearse.

“Thank goodness, that is not for me!”

He said. It stopped right by his knee.

“Oh, well—to be or not to be!”

And off he rode into a scene

Where he turned very, very green

And slid into a fire machine.

He had a  grave you could admire—

And singing there, a gifted choir

That sang in praise of Old Man Dyer.

Sound and Sense, 55

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. die (verb): to cease living (noun): a tool that is used for cutting, shaping, or stamping a material or an object (noun): one small cube with numbers printed on each side (plural: dice)

2. dye (noun) a substance used for changing the color of something (verb) to change the color of something

She really didn’t want to dye

That top. So she began to cry

When I suggested she might try.

“Well, why don’t we just roll a die?”

I asked. “And then we’ll see if I

(Or you) should choose the perfect dye

For your old top?” I thought I’d die

When I then heard my wife reply:

“I have a weapon—you can buy

Them on the Internet”—I sigh—

“And I am not about to lie:

Shut up, or I will used this die

To cut a different shape for you.”

I thought that that was dark in hue—

But shut my mouth—as wise men do!

Sound and Sense, 54

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. days (noun—plural): more than one 24-hour cycle; specified time or period

2. daze (verb): to stupefy, esp. buy a blow; to dazzle with light (noun): the condition of being stupefied or dazzled

Oh, never—never!—in my days

Have you not managed to amaze

Me—leave me in a perfect daze.

Such days have passed—in thousands—and

I recognize that I still stand

Because I hold your loving hand.

Yes, life we know can strike, can daze,

And damage us in many ways.

But you’re immortal in my gaze.

You know why I place you above—

You know what I am dreaming of:

Eternal days with you, my love.

Sound and Sense, 53

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. cue (noun): a signal to a performer or stage crew member; a hint; a stick for shooting pool

(Verb): to give a signal or prompt; to strike with a pool cue

2. queue (noun): a line of people who are waiting for something; a braid of hair usually worn hanging at the back of the head

(Verb) to form or wait in line

The endless queue gave me the cue

That things were not as they should be,

And so I grabbed my trusty cue

In case the zombies came for me.

A friend stood waiting at the door

And cued me when the creatures came.

The queue of one draped to the floor;

Some others also looked the same.

They didn't queue politely when
They broke into our little place:
They had forgotten all they'd been,
And each possessed a grisly face.

We cued some zombies—not like balls—

And then we ran out in the street

And hoped that people heard our calls

Before the zombies got to eat.

The zombie surge is just the worst—

Like Noah’s most torrential rains.

For humans always have been cursed

By fellow humans lacking brains.

Sound and Sense, 52

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. creak (verb): to make a long, high sound (noun): a rasping or grating noise

2. creek (noun): a natural stream of water normally smaller than and often tributary to a river

3. creek (proper noun): an American Indian confederation of peoples (in the South)

He heard a certain kind of creak

Up in the attic. But to seek

The source just made him sore afraid,

And so downstairs our coward stayed.

He looked outside; he saw the creek

That wandered by. But would a peek

Upstairs be worrisome? He’d look,

Find something freaky, write a book

About it all!? A floorboard creaked

Up there. Our coward purely freaked

When he heard that and ran outside.

He saw a vision—nearly died.

A Creek stood there in full array,

Said, “I am stopping by today—”

But then the shriek near split his ears—

What was it with these young in years?

They cry aloud with slightest cause.

He waited for the cries to pause.

“That Creek up in your attic, Dude?

I have no wish to be too rude,

But he has run away from us

And must return (no special fuss).”

And then the coward—frightened stiff—

Knew that he’d better learn the diff

’Twixt creek and creak. 

Sound and Sense 51

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. coarse (adj.): having a rough quality; rude or offensive

2. corse (noun): corpse

3. course (noun):  the path or direction that someone moves along; a series of classes about a particular subject  (Verb): to move or flow quickly

His habits were a little coarse,

So he signed up to take  a course

That would improve the wicked course

Of life. For soon he’d be a corse

If evil were allowed to course

Unchecked. And so he bought a horse,

Which promptly threw him in the gorse,

Where he regretted his divorce

And, now dying, sought the source

Of discontent. But no (of course)

He failed—but left a message (Morse),

Then died, suffused with much remorse,

Regretting he’d not felt The Force.

Sound and Sense, 50

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. clause (noun): (a) a separate part of a legal document (b) a group of words containing a subject and a verb

2. claws (noun—pl): sharp, curved parts on the toe of an animal (such as a cat or bird)

“Now write me a dependent clause,”

The hoary English teacher said.

The cheetah thought about his paws

And what they’d do to Teacher’s head.

But he (the cheetah) knew, of course,

The clause about deportment, so

He kept his claws withdrawn—the source

Of innocence. He was a pro

Of patience. But he knew the day

Commencement came—the last hurrah

For Teacher. He had found a way

To eat that hoary teacher—raw.

The teacher was about to praise

The cheetah’s old dependent clause,

When cheetah struck! His eyes ablaze!

Roared: “I'm dependent on my claws!”

Sound and Sense, 49

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

1. cite (verb): to mention; to quote an authority or author

2. sight (noun): the ability to see; a thing regarded as worth seeing

3. site (noun): location, usu. of something specific

You ought to cite authorities

For all those thoughts that you will use

In your attempt to write and please;

It isn’t right that you abuse

Your readers with such plagiarized

Assessments of those special sites

Where history—those moments prized—

Occurred or of those gorgeous sights

You saw while hiking through the Alps

Or sailing down the fabled Nile.

Reviewers love to take fresh scalps,

And they’ll take yours (in ferine style)

If you refuse to cite the source—

For all those sites and sights you’ve seen—

Where you researched your book. Of course,

Reviewers, known for savage spleen,

Will find another flaw to flag,

And all your citing for those sites

And sights of which you're wont to brag

About will reappear as slights.

Sound and Sense, 48

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

cinque (noun): the 5 at dice, cards, etc.

sink (noun): a basin or receptacle (kitchen sink) (verb): to submerge, go below

sync (verb): to synchronize (noun) harmony or harmonious relationship

He drew the cinque—that lousy deck!

And felt his hopes for victory sink.

So out of sync he felt—a wreck.

He wished that he could simply shrink

And disappear. Or maybe sync

His hopes and his reality.

“This can’t be very  hard, I think,”

He said. But then he drew a three!

He then cashed in his single chip—

And took a long and bitter drink.

He took a little bathroom trip,

And wept his heart out in the sink.

Sound and Sense, 47

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

cord (noun): a long, thin material that is usually thicker than a string but thinner than a rope

chord (noun): three or more musical tones sounded simultaneously

cored (verb): to removed a core from (a fruit)

The psycho thought he’d try a cord

To choke his victim out that day,

But he was feeling somewhat bored,

And thought he’d make a different play.

Then in his mind he heard a chord—

A dark and eerie one, I’ll bet.

Selecting his most sharp-edged sword,

He stalked his victim (dude named Rhett).

He caught his prey (an evil man),

And soon that evil man was gored—

In fact, the cops could see the plan:

Yes, Rhett (like apples) had been cored.

Sound and Sense, 46

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

choler (noun): anger

collar (noun): a part of a piece of clothing that fits around a person’s neck and is usually folded down; a band of leather, plastic, etc., worn around an animal’s neck (verb): to catch or arrest someone

So when the cops had collared him,

They saw his famous choler rise.

And soon it filled him to the brim,

From toenails to his fiery eyes.

They put a collar on him then—

To transport him to county jail,

And that where he for months has been—

Oh, you should hear him rant and rail!

Sound and Sense, 45

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

cheap (adj): inexpensive; of low quality

cheep (noun): the faint, shrill sound of a bird (verb): to make such a sound

I bought a birdcage—it was cheap,

So much so that my bird won’t cheep.

He’s too ashamed of his new place—

And so he says it to my face.

It seems that he has made that leap,

You know? To cheep or not to cheep?

Sound and Sense, 44

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

cereal (noun): a breakfast food made from grain

serial (adj): arranged or happening in a series (noun): a story published or broadcast in separate parts over a period of time

He was a killer (serial)

Who found some fresh material

While watching movies (serial).

But then that kid from Cheerios

(The cereal—as each dude knows)

Pursued that killer (all such foes).

They had a fight imperial—

A deadly wound (arterial)—

And cereal beat serial!

Sound and Sense, 43

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

cense (verb): to perfume (esp with a censer)

sense (noun): one of the five natural powers (verb): to detect without being told

cents (noun, pl): coins that each equal 1/100 of a dollar

since (prep and conj and adv): before the present time

Since yesterday he had not known

His sense of smell had sharpened so.

He now could smell a turkey bone

But also cents and nickels, Yo.

And when in church the censer censed,

He’d long since figured out the smell.

He wished that it were not dispensed

With such delight—oh, what the hell.

Since he was feeling very blessed,

He figured out he’d let it slide.

He knew his senses were the best—

He sensed the girl who’d be his bride.

But finances were not his skill—

And soon his family lived in tents

Upon a distant wooded hill

With their declining pile of cents.

Sound and Sense, 42

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

can’t (verb): contraction of can not

cant (noun): the expression or repetition of conventional or trite opinions or sentiments; esp. the use of pious words

“What is your problem!” cried my aunt.

My uncle said, “I can’t stand cant.”

“Oh, well,” she said, “go out and paint!”

“Go paint the barn!?” he said. “I ain’t.”

“You should have said, ‘I’m not,’” she snipped.

“You’re right,” he said. “I simply tripped

Upon my silly stupid tongue—”

He said no more: His neck was wrung.

And so it goes with uncles, aunts:

The loser often wears the pants.

Sound and Sense, 41

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

adventuress (noun): a female adventurer, esp. one who seeks position or livelihood by questionable means

adventurous (adjective): not afraid to do new and dangerous or exciting things

Adventuress? So I was warned,

But at the time, well, I was horned

(If you know what I mean), and so

Adventurous, I came to know,

Was not the best of strategies.

Deceptions brought me to my knees,

And soon I’d lost most everything—

My house and car and all my bling.

So now I live beneath a bridge—

And feel resentment (just a smidge)

For what that woman did to me.

Oh well. At least I now am free ...

From money, job, and housing, too,

But I can always bum from you …

Right?

Sound and Sense, 40

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

Beau (noun): a frequent and attentive male companion

Bow (noun): a stringed device for shooting an arrow

Yes, Robin Hood was quite a beau,

So skilled with his most famous bow.

And Marian, so in the know,

Declared her love for Robin Hood,

Who recognized that this was good,

And straightened up his neighborhood—

That forest, Sherwood, from the tales,

Where Robin hid from laws and jails

With many other green-clad males.

But Robin didn’t give a damn—

He’d found his love, his loving lamb.

Forget the Sheriff of Nottingham!

And Robin, Marian would wed

(Although the Sheriff wished him dead)

And spend a lot of time in bed.

But moods of Merry Men turned black—

They gave R. Hood a bunch of flak:

They wanted their old outlaw back!

But he was now a married man—

And bought a life-insurance plan

From some weird agent, name of Dan.

Sound and Sense, 39

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

bear (noun): you know, like Smokey? And Yogi? (verb): to accept or endure (something)

bare (adj.): not having a covering; not covered by clothing, shoes, a hat, etc.

The grizzly bear could hardly bear

To see the bare guy standing there.

But he’d be happy (this his hunch)

When he ate Bare Guy for his lunch.

It was, of lunches, just the best—

There were no blue jeans to digest.

He went to Starbucks, got a frappe,

And then lay down and took a nap.

Sound and Sense, 38

We’re moving next to the homophone: a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air. So … contronyms are words that have contradictory meanings (sanctiion = approve and disapprove; homophones sound alike but to not mean the same—and often are not spelled the same, either.

adds verb (3rd person singular): to calculate a sum

ads noun (plural): advertisements

adze (noun): an ax-like tool, for dressing timbers roughly, with a curved, chisel-like steel head mounted at a right angle to the wooden handle. (See below.)

I carefully would check the ads—

I needed then a brand new adze.

But I’m a guy who rarely adds

With too much confidence.

My checkbook doesn’t make much sense

(It’s never balanced, to the cents),

And so I couldn’t buy the tool—

I cursed myself, You’re such a fool

For failing all that math in school!

So now to see my bills are paid

I’m once again in seventh grade,

Where progress (so I hope) is made.

The kids are pretty nice to me—

Don’t laugh at me too frequently.

How thoughtful those sweet kids can be!

Sound and Sense, 37

Our English dictionary has in it many words whose sounds and meanings can … confuse. In this next series of doggerel, I’ll be writing about several sorts of such words.

The first—the contronym: a word, says the Oxford English Dictionary, that has “two opposite or contradictory meanings.”

Earliest published use: 1962.

with (prep)

1. alongside

2. against

I stood with you when you were wrong;

I fought with you when you were right;

I sold you out for just a song;

I told the world you weren’t too bright;

I took your lover (once) to bed;

I trashed you once on Twitter, too;

I vandalized your car with red;

I vandalized your house with blue.

But I was wondering just now

If friendship-fracture ever mends.
I mean—is there a way (somehow?)

That you and I could still be friends?