Fauna Foolery II, No. 33

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Skeeter Meter

So Skeeter was a skinny guy—

As thin as any comic book.

He liked red drinks—and loved to fly—

And had a sort of buggy look. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 32

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Cat Burglar

The burglar was superlative—

Accumulating stunning wealth.

Like royalty he chose to live—

And all was due to feline stealth.

Fauna Foolery II, No. 31

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Mickey’s Mouse

Sad Mickey had some problems with

Some vermin—yes, a mouse.

I told him he should try to keep

A much less ratty house.

Fauna Foolery II, No. 30

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Eve Hisses*

When Adam was upset with Eve,

He knew he dared not cross the line:

She’d grumble, then she’d cry and grieve,

“Why can't you be more colubrine?!”

*thanks to my word-a-day calendar for this one

Fauna Foolery II, No. 29

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Face It, Frankie

So I heard about Frankie while out at the bar,

Which, you know, is a dangerous place.

Yes, the women I talked to were somewhat alarmed

By poor Frankie’s most ferrety face.

Fauna Foolery, No. 28

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

A Sense of Smell

Poor Pepe was obtuse, you know,

And could not take a hint.

I warned the dude repeatedly

About his skunky scent.

Fauna Foolery II, No. 27

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Owl Say

Although he looked so scholarly,

So erudite and keen,

It mostly was his glasses—and

His owlish sort of mien. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 26

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Jonah Insists

Old Jonah said, “While in that fish,

I saw some squid and snails!”

But skeptics merely scoffed and said,

“You and your piscine tales!”

Fauna Foolery II, No. 25

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Kerm’s Appeal

The princess was entranced by Kerm—

But not by other guys.

She really liked his swimming skills—

And loved those froggy eyes!

Fauna Foolery II, No. 24

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Kay Flops

Miss Kay was one of nine, you know,

And single many years.

So many men disliked, I guess,

Her floppy, canine ears. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 23

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Stubborn Stu

So stubborn and intransigent—

He was so foolish. Why?

We all decided Stu was just

A troubled, mulish guy. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 22

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Outfoxed

So many things about Rey Foxx

She was disturbed about:

His sneakiness, his chicken feasts,

And, yes, his vulpine snout.

Fauna Foolery II, No. 21

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Frozen Marriage

Marriage grew so cold for Pete—so

Cold he felt quite bluish.

All his fault, though: He had told his

Wife (Kate) she was shrewish. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 20

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

The Eagle Cries

“You stole my beak!” the eagle cried—

“My patented design!”

“It’s just my nose,” I softly said.

“We call it ‘aquiline.’”

Fauna Foolery II, No. 19

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Mean Count

Dracula just called me names—he

Called me “Jerk” and “Fatty.”

I got sick of all of it and

Told him he was batty. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 18

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

18. In the Arms of Boyd

Louise’s boyfriend liked to grope.

She cried, “Just stop it, Boyd!

I swear, you’ve got so many hands

That you seem octopoid!”

Fauna Foolery II, No. 17

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

17. Brenda Gets Sideways

Brenda really hated it when

Robert called her “Flabby.”

All throughout ensuing days it

Made her act so crabby.

Fauna Foolery II, No. 16

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Yogi’s Wife Can “Barely” Stand It

Some things about old Yogi just

About caused her to yell—

His honey stains, his winter sleeps,

And, yes, his ursine smell. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 15

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Critics of Karl

Karl Kong was always criticized—

It was the latest craze:

He was too big; he ate too much;

He had such apish ways!

Fauna Foolery II, No. 14

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Neigh

Bobby longed to play trombone with

Tom or Jimmy Dorsey.

But he failed the physical: His

Looks were just too horsy. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 13

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Frankly

When Frank first caught a tiger fish,

It was his very fondest wish.

He grilled and ate this fishy dish—

Then roared and felt so tigerish. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 12

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Prince Notso Charming

The Prince preferred a darkened room—

Or any foggy place.

And he avoided mirrors: He

Despised his froggy face. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 11

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Elsie’s Existential Angst

Poor Elsie’s life was full of rules—

Of do’s and should’s and ought’s.

And Elsie’s boyfriend, Elmer, could

Not stand such cowish thoughts. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 10

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Tad’s Trouble

Tad was a tad concupiscent—

Throughout his nights and days.

It took Pure Love to cure Tad of

His somewhat goatish ways. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 9

Animal adjectives that we apply to people.

Feline Frankness

Kitty had a cruel streak—and

Once she called me, “Fatty!”

No one really understood why

Kitty was so catty. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 8

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Mort’s Meals

Mort loved his roadkill—stopped to take

The pieces that were fine.

He saved some money—that I’ll grant—

But somewhat vulturine?

Fauna Foolery II, No. 7

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Not a Peep from Bo

Bo didn't want to hear a peep

From girls like Beverly,

But then Bev smiled, and smitten Bo

Behaved more sheepishly. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 6

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Kay (Nine)

Some thought neat Kay, child nine of nine,

Drank from a stubborn creek.

But she was just determined—yes,

She had a dogged streak. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 5

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Fell Smell

Then Izaak took a deeper breath—

The man could so inhale

Before he told his friends—again—

A very fishy tale. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 4

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Petruchio v. Katherine in The Taming of the Shrew

“If I be waspish, best beware my sting”—

So Kate declares. It seems she knows a thing

Or two about a man—or so she thought.

Petruchio will teach her she knows naught.

But he knows even less, to tell the truth,

About a woman. He is so uncouth

That several Acts must pass before he learns

That Love survives because of what it earns.

So by Act V the two of them, now wed,

Have settled all—and rush away to bed. 

Fauna Foolery II, No. 3

Animal adjectives we apply to people.

Stubborn Don

Don Key was very stubborn—was

It all his astral sign?

Whatever caused it, we all thought

He was so asinine.