Head Lines, 13

Wayne’s World

Wayne was a little thick upstairs—

And some called him an oaf.

His brain? A mass of sticky dough,

A never-rising loaf. 

Head Lines, 12

Delores’ Decision

The time arrived—the SAT—

And so, just for the nonce,

Delores figured for the tests

She’d exercise her bonce.^[1]

---

[1] Brit slang for head or skull. 1860-65. 

Head Lines, 11

Jeff’s Rocky Meal

A starving Jeff devoured the rock—

It was uranium—

And had a permanent effect

Inside his cranium.

Head Lines, 10

George’s iVow

Sick of iPhones and the rest, George

Vowed he would live cell-free.

Friends and neighbors realized that

Bats were in his belfry. 

Head Lines, 9

Oops

Perhaps I should apologize?

I know I got here late.

But I have limitations, man,

Inside my rocky pate. 

Head Lines, 8

Sam’s Problem

The women all agreed that Sam
Was just a little dull.
There wasn't too much substance there

Inside sad Sammy’s skull.

Head Lines, 7

Rhonda’s Regret

When Rhonda climbed the palm tree, she

Began to preen and strut—

Which wasn’t wise because she fell

And cracked her coconut. 

Head Lines, 6

Bart’s Descent

Bart decided he would glide on

His brand-new toboggan.

Everest? A foolish choice: He

Fractured his poor noggin. 

Head Lines, 5

Melvin’s Miscue

Melvin did a thoughtless thing: It

Made of him a felon.

Grabbed a nightstick from a cop and

Conked him on the melon. 

Head Lines, 4

Marcus’ Mind

The mind of Marcus, you may know,

Enjoyed an ample home:

He had a massive head, you see—

A most capacious dome. 

Head Lines, 3

Jeff’s Hungry Dogs Find a Meal

The starving dogs just turned on Jeff—

From terrier to poodle.

They got him down and then commenced

To dine upon his noodle.

Head Lines, 2

Bo’s Beaming Patrons

Bo (the grocer)—very proud

Of produce, fresh and green.

The customers all praised him thus:

“You really use your bean!”

Head Lines, 1

A new (short) series about words we use for head.

Hoopster Wilbur

The game was close; the clocked ticked down.

Then Wilbur stole the ball!

He dribbled to the basket with

No obstacles at all.

He laid it in so perfectly—

It nested in the net.

The clock expired; the crowd went wild—

No better does it get!

It was the only basket that

Young Wilbur ever made.

Oh, such a splendid memory …

But then he grew dismayed.

The other team was cheering—see,

It was for them he’d scored.

Oh, Wilbur used the ball, all right—

But failed to use his gourd.

Fundamentals, 25

After Words

It’s such a curiosity—

A source of wonderment—

That English has so many terms

For simple fundament.

Fundamentals, 24

The Falls of Jerome

Jerome was overconfident

About this skiing stuff.

So strange because he spent much time

Upon his ample duff. 

Fundamentals, 23

Samantha’s Preference

Bert has domestic virtues—how

He cleans and cooks and bakes!

But what Samantha really loves

Are Bert’s hot whoopie-cakes!

Fundamentals, 22

Jaguar Jane

I thought that, with her Jaguar, Jane

Had horribly offended me

Because she wasn’t looking and …

Then carelessly rear-ended me!

Fundamentals, 21

That Jasper Casper

Casper had a filthy mouth—his

Cursing sure could cook us.

That ghost as well had passion for a

Certain witch’s tuchis. 

Fundamentals, 20

Donald’s Derrière

Donald was focused and often so much that he

Shunned all his friends. And the animus

Shown by these “friends” shook him hard—from his head to his

Copious gluteus maximus. 

Fundamentals, 19

Mel's Maladies

Mel had many problems—like he

Had a painful bunion,

Hair that disobeyed, a tic, and

One most bulbous onion. 

Fundamentals, 18

Forgot to post this yesterday ...

Pirate Pete

Devoted was young Pirate Pete

To all he thought his duty.

Among the jobs he most enjoyed

Was classifying booty.

But Captain Kidd was sore annoyed

With Pirate Pete’s faux pas.

“It’s treasure you’re supposed to count—

Not what’s astern!” [Guffaw.]

Fundamentals, 17

Robby’s Troubles

Young Robby Rummp was troubled—oh,

He was the worrying kind.

He tried to do his very best

But always fell behind. 

Fundamentals, 16

Roy, Oh Boy!

Roy sold new cars—and used ones, too.

But one night he got drunk.

He stumbled from the tavern, and

He landed on his trunk.

Fundamentals, 15

Todd Job

Todd’s job there in the cannery

Would challenge any man,

But sturdy Todd was well equipped

With one humongous can. 

Fundamentals, 14

Don’s Deadly Daydreaming

The sidewalk wasn’t shoveled—it

Was really such a farce.

And Don, too deep in reverie,

Fell hard upon his arse. 

Fundamentals, 13

Teddy Gets Tossed

Teddy didn’t like his job—a

Deli, where he cut lox.

Then the manager just tossed him

Out upon his buttocks.

Fundamentals, 12

Kurt’s Krisis

Kurt wasn’t happy with his looks—

His face disturbed him some.

He didn't like his abs, his legs—

And he despised his bum.