Deathwords, XXI

Sleepy George

George was a narcoleptic—he

Could sleep in any space.

He was not inconvenienced by

His final resting place.

Deathwords, XX

Coke and a (Final) Smile

Eugene, who dealt some coke, I hear,

Was quickly caught and cuffed.

A prison convict pillowed him,

So poor Eugene was snuffed.

Deathwords, XIX

Old Duane and a Slice of Life

Old Duane was a butcher who kept his aim high:

All his meat was organic and local and fresh,

But our poor Old Duane one day fell on his knife,

So Duane sadly traveled the way of all flesh.

Deathwords, XVIII

Ralph’s Final Cough

At the church so near the cliff, Ralph

Uttered such a shocked cough,

He and all the congregation

Suddenly were knocked off.

Deathwords, XVII

The Last Ride of Billy the Kid

And so Billy the Kid, who was deadly and young,

Was adept with a knife and a gun (oh, of course!),

But Pat Garrett shot Billy one night in the back,

So the Kid had no choice but to ride the pale horse.

Deathwords, XVI

The Ace Gambler

The gambler loved his poker games—

But cheating he embraced,

So I was not all all surprised

To hear that he’d been aced. 

Deathwords, XV

 Anna Pest, the Shocking Plumber

Yes, she was (in her age) a great plumber, well known

Far and wide for her wisdom, her skill, and her brain.

Electricity got her—a wire in the wet—

And the plumber—poor woman—then circled the drain. 

Deathwords, XIV

The baker there in Naples bragged—

He really loved to boast.

“I’ll tight-rope ’cross Vesuvius!”

The next thing: He was toast.

Deathwords, XIII

Old Tom was an announcer, who

Had such an unkind cough

That soon he did not breathe at all

And quietly signed off. 

Deathwords, XII

Louisa feared both slime and dirt—

Oh, all those filthy germs!

And now she’s lying underground,

Forever counting worms. 

Deathwords, XI

Cornelius spent his life with wire—

It was, of course, rewarding toil.

He fell into a fiery vat

And shuffled off this mortal coil. 

Deathwords, X

Old Thomas was a farmer who

Just gnashed his teeth and cussed.

The gods, perturbed, then silenced him

And watched him bite the dust.

Deathwords, IX

Terry was a carpenter, who

Noted every detail.

Then he fell—a tablesaw!—was

Dead as any doornail.

Deathwords VIII: Duane's Retirement

Duane was a librarian

Who would not be retired,

But Death one day acquired his card

And marked it: “Now expired.”

Deathwords VII: Daisy, Daisy ...

Deathwords VII: Daisy, Daisy

Daisy Smith and Daisy Jones—oh,

Both of them were crazies:

Soon the Reaper found them both, and

Now they push up daisies. 

Deathwords VI: Sue's Breath

A breathing competition. Sue

Had won it in the past.

But this time in the finals, well,

Poor Susan breathed her last. 

Deathwords V: Bella's Fatal Choice

Once, Bella was dear Casper’s friend—

She loved that shade the most,

But she met Edward Cullen, and

At once gave up the ghost. 

Deathwords IV: Bob's Misfortune

Bob’s Misfortune

Bob loved to play draw poker, so

He made some Vegas trips—

But tried to cheat some gangsters there

And cashed in all his chips.

Titus' Ill Luck

Titus’ Ill Luck

Titus was a clumsy guy—he

Had such rotten luck; it

Turned: He found a milking job, but

Then he kicked the bucket.

Adele's Lament

Adele’s Lament

Adele fell for a fellow—she

Was smitten by his charm.

They looked at rural property,

But then he bought the farm.

In My Yard

In My Yard

I found a tiny magic frog—

And I was really stoked.

I held it in my hand and dreamed,

But then—oh no!—he croaked!